


He's Your Penguin (Markiplier x Reader)

by spidermaninplaid



Category: Mark Fischbach x Reader - Fandom, Markiplier - (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arin Hanson - Freeform, Best Friends, Cute, F/M, Fanfiction, GameGrumps, Mark Fischbach - Freeform, Markiplier - Freeform, Reader x Markiplier - Freeform, Romance, Ross O'Donovan - Freeform, Sad, Sean McLoughlin - Freeform, dan avidan - Freeform, jacksepticeye - Freeform, long distance, relationship, romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7037977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidermaninplaid/pseuds/spidermaninplaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

"You were art- even though you weren't made of paints and colors. You were made of skin and broken hearts, but you are still a masterpiece to me,"

The first time he had spoke those words to you was when you were at your absolute worst. When you struggled to keep your head above water and all the extra weight pushing you further under, you felt as if you were screaming- not just in fear of death that was soon to be approaching- but screaming for someone to help. Everytime you expressed your feelings to your few-so-called "friends", all they would do is tell you to get over it, and that you'll be fine. It's as if they were yelling, "Learn how to swim," while the weight of their words helped sink you down. 

But, he pulled you out. He was the brave one to jump in after a poor, broken girl and rescue her from her misery.  
You stared at him, tears slowly slipping down your puffy cheeks. Even when you were like this, he still thought you were beautiful. He sat down next to you as you continued to watch. He gave you that same small smile he did when you were younger, and breathed your name softly, curious to see if you were still swimming with those thoughts or if he really did pull you out. He pulled you out- he had your attention.

"M-mark," You cried, grabbing onto his shirt, pushing your face against his neck. You let out a few sobs to go along with it. He wrapped his arms around you, adding to the comfort. He needed you to be okay. He loved you, but he wouldn't quite breath the words yet. 

"All I can ever ask of you is to stay," You breathed into his neck. "Just stay,"

Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling.  
However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperatly needed to hear. 

~~

You just moved to a new town, well, more like city. This was a bigger place than where you used to live in a small, ol' country neighboorhood. You were scared, you didn't know anybody. But, then again, you were also excited. This meant you could meet to friends and have them over for play dates and sleepovers. Your parents signed you up for the elementary school that was just down the road from your house, and you'd be starting school with the rest of the children in the area in about two days. Those two days flew by, and you were ready to start your day with your new class. However, that excitement faded when everyone stared at you, wondering who you were. They'd never see you before, and on top of that, when you had to introduce yourself, some kids a table over laughed at how your voice sounded. You knew it was because you lived in the south and you had an accent. It was funny to people around here, further north. 

You went through the day pouting and secluding yourself from the rest of the school. Especially at lunch, when nobody wanted you to sit with them. You felt the tears swell in your eyes as you turned and left the cafeteria. You decided to eat lunch outside, alone. You threw the sandwich you had back down at your lunch box because it was too wet to eat now, due to the tears you spilled. It made you cry more; you just wanted to go home. 

"I like your accent, it's kinda really cute," 

You jump, hearing a voice. Looking up, you see a boy sit down in front of you, smiling like an idiot, with blush staining his cheeks. He probably thought that he sounded like a dork saying that out loud, but he also looked like he didn't care-- and you didn't either.

"Y-you do?" You asked quietly. 

"Yeah, it's neat. Where are you from?" He asked, moving a little closer and wiping the tears off your face with his thumbs. "I don't blame you for being so upset. The kids here are really mean. I don't appreciate them being so negative towards you,"  
You blink at this kid- he knew a lot of big words for only being in 2nd grade. "Thanks," You whisper quietly, smiling at him a little. "What's your name?"

"Mark!" he said happily, sitting next to you now instead of across from you.

"Hi, Mark," You giggle, earning one from him too. "I'm Y/N," 

That's how your story started with him. 26 odd letters composed into a few words and names, and you were friends for life. You and him were best friends going through your years of school, helping each other through every kind of obstacle that could possibly come your way. Everything best friends do. You and Mark never cared about being with anyone else except for each other. You both were always so happy, until your whole world came crashing down when one of your parents suddenly grew ill and past. Mark knew this one was going to be the hardest thing to bring you back from. You were close to your dad, and you didn't even get to say good-bye to him. You buried your face against Mark's chest at the funeral, as they lowered your dad into the Earth. You couldn't stand to watch. You both were in 7th grade when this happened. 

Your life turned upside down then, and Mark tried everything in his power to keep you from sinking. This was the first time you had ever felt the extreme desire to not live anymore. When you met Mark, you were sad. But, he made you happy. You haven't been sad since, however, you were now. Your melancholy took over you slowly through that year and nothing Mark said or did would pull you out of the trance you always seemed to be in. 

Things got worse after that. Your mother had fallen into a depression along with yourself and rumors and bad things had started up about you at school. You didn't know why- you only talked to Mark and occasionally a few other people who have taken interest in you in the past year. They look at you weird as you pass by in the hallway, as if you had something written on your forehead. Others laughed, which sent your head deep into the ocean with thoughts. But as soon as you caught up with him between the classes, you shoved your face against his chest again. He'd let out a small laugh, and kiss the top of your head. You always thought he never understood why you did that, but, he did. He knew it was a security for you. Just like when a child needed it's blanket, and if it didn't have it- it wouldn't sleep at all. 

Weeks passed after the first few rumors. Every day a new one started up, and it was worst than the last one. You didn't come to school the next day, and Mark had been nervous and fidgeting all day. He wanted to make sure you were safe. But, you weren't. Your mother had gone to work, and you were all alone. The words danced in your head - their words they're saying about you - words that aren't even true. But, they said it enough to make you feel like they were. You did what you never thought you would ever do in your life. You've seen people have them before, but you always said that was such a terrible way out. A terrible thing. 

You never considered you'd be leaving your best friend behind. You tried cutting their words out, feeling as if the words had went in through your ears and poured like liquid poison into your veins. But, you cut out so much more than their words. You cut out yourself, your entire being -- you had cut out your soul. It was such a sad thing for a 7th grader to do, with so much potential in their life. But you couldn't stand to deal with that pain. Instead, you liked the numbing one better. 

Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern- just the slow erosion of self, as insidious as cancer. And like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience; a room in hell with only your name on the door. 

Mark refused to go home when you were rushed to the hospital. He squeezed your hand tightly, never wanting to leave you alone again. And, he never did. When you were released, he was by your side. 

"I'm so sorry," You breath quietly, not daring to look at him. You didn't want to hear his scolding, or the heavy sigh he liked to do when he was sad or disappointed. 

"No, I'm sorry," He grabbed your hands then, holding them tight. "I should have never let go of you. I said I'd always be there. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't wanna poke at you til you got annoyed with me and didn't want me around anymore,"

"How could you say that?" You ask, wide-eyed at him. "I love you, loser,"

Mark's face stained a rose color when you spoke those words aloud. "I love you, too, Y/N,"

You pushed through the rest of the middle school years and high school years with Mark firmly by your side. You kept each other sane - especially after Mark started getting bullied when you were older. How could someone tease and make fun of the sweet and gentle boy you've known all your life? You realize that you could have said the same thing about yourself. How could someone do something so horrible to someone they don't even know? 

"I still think you're a cute patoot, Markimoo," You told him, smiling as you walked to your last hour of the day. You both shared that class.

He gave you a weak smile and nodded. "Thanks," 

You could tell he was struggling to deal with this. He now knew exactly how you felt all those years ago. 

~~~

"I'm moving," Mark mumbled, shooting you a nervous glance from his textbook. You were at his house, studying together. 

"You're what?" You asked, nearly choking on the candy he had provided as a snack to keep you both awake. You two were pulling an all nighter to study for the test in a few days. 

"I'm moving out to Los Angeles after we graduate," 

~~~

Graduation day had came, and you couldn't believe how depressing it felt. He promised he would never leave your side, but yet he was. You helped him pack up the last of his things later on that night. It was late- and they were moving out in the morning. You didn't feel like going home just to rush back over in the morning to say your good-bye's. He could feel how thick the air was, and slowly came over to you after he shut the music off. You and him had been dancing and singing and having a good time while you packed. But now that it was all done, you realized it was reality-- he was leaving. 

He smiled when he came over to you and wrapped his arms around you. "Hey, don't look so sad," he breathed, laughing a little and moving his hands then to try and make your face look happy. 

You giggle and try and smack his hands away from you. "Stop it, you idiot," 

He sighed happily and returned his arms to where they were before fixing your face. You pressed your face against his chest, taking in the feeling, how warm he was, and good he smelt. You were really going to miss him. 

"I don't want you to leave," You say, grabbing at his shirt. 

"I have to. I don't really want to either, but I have to now,"

"You can't leave me!"

Let go, let go, it's time for you and I..  
Baby, we're fate.

He didn't breathe another word. Instead, he pulled out a blanket he knew you loved, and also grabbed some pillows and tossed them on the empty bed in his soon-to-be old room. He crawled into it, laying on his back, and motioning for you to lay down with him. It was bittersweet, knowing what he was doing. But, even if it did break your heart in the morning, you didn't care. He smiled at you when you placed yourself next to him, hand resting on his chest, your head on his shoulder and his arms around you. It was comforting. 

"Distance means nothing, when someone means everything,"

That was one of the last things he had said to you before left the next morning. He sadly breathed out, "I love you. I will see you soon, keep in touch," and then, not another word from him. 

Ever again.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But, you do. You thought about Mark quite often since he's moved. You were worried when he never answered any texts or calls on his trip down to California. It had been months, and still nothing from him. Wasn't he the one to say, "keep in touch?" Well, you were trying.

 

Those few months soon turned into years, and you still thought about him everyday. You wish you didn't sometimes-- it had hurt too much. Mark hadn't messaged you at all, it was as if he'd dropped off the face of the Earth. Where could he possibly be? Did he get swallowed up in Hollywood; did he- oh god, you couldn't bare to think about him being dead. No, no, he couldn't be. Not your Markimoo, he was smart. He wouldn't get himself killed. You shook your head and turned off the light next to your bed.

 

You were in college, studying to become a Illustrator major and Photographer minor- You needed to finish up some fine tuning on a comic strip you needed to turn in for one of your many classes tomorrow. You sighed, and plugged in your headphones in the computer and clicked to YouTube to find some music to relax you. Every time you thought about him, your whole body would tense up. You wished things were different. Music usually helped.

 

A messaged popped up on the lower right of the screen. Your friend was messaging you from a few dorm rooms down. The RA's at the dorms said that you weren't allowed to be in the same room as someone you know, that way you can get to know other people better. Your roommate was currently out partying like most college students right now. You clicked the small chat box, seeing her sending a smiley face with a link. You raised an eyebrow at that, clicking it. It was a YouTube link.

 

A video started immediately, but first, with one of those stupid, annoying advertisements. You rolled your eyes and switched over to ArtRage Studio and continued coloring your comic. You jumped slightly when you heard a deep voice ring through your ears, and you figured the video started. You switched back over to Google Chrome/ YouTube with a small gasp.

 

He looked different, but you knew it was him. You've known him all your life (except the past few years)-- you'd be able to point him out in a crowded room.

 

"M-mark," You breathed his name out, putting a hand over your mouth to keep in any other words that might flow out. You didn't want to cry, but you couldn't stop the tears that dripped from your eyes and down your cheeks. You missed him. It's been years. He left and never said a thing and suddenly pops up on YouTube? You listen to the video, hearing him talking about his past and everything else. He was drawing on a small white board, addressing his fans that he had about his life so they could understand better. You smile, but couldn't help let out a small sob when he mentioned you. You could tell it was you, even though he used a fake name to protect you.

 

"You're such a goof," You laugh a little, wiping your tears. Like his fans were gonna know who you were; You were a nobody compared to him now. But, this left you with some questions. Why hasn't he replied to you and or called you in four years? Has he been doing YouTube this whole time? Is that where he's been? You click onto his channel, seeing there was a livestream going on at the moment.

 

"At this time of night?" You ask him, knowing he couldn't hear you. "Oh, right. Time zones, duh. I'm the real idiot," You click on the video, and he's talking to the camera while playing a cute, little farming game called, "Stardew Valley". You've heard of this game before, and Mark seemed to really enjoy it. You felt the water again then- seeing him in actual time instead in that video he'd posted a few years ago. You couldn't help but feel those tears and the ocean pool in your head again. Your head raced with thoughts.

 

Until, one thought struck a hole in that ocean, letting all the water drain. You grabbed your phone, and called his number again. If this was real, and his number was still his, then his phone would go off in the video. You bit at your lip nervously- watching him. You sat up a little bit when you saw him jump slightly at his phone vibrating.

 

"Hang on, guys," He smiles at the camera, and turns his head to look at, what you could assume to be, his phone. He frowns and ignores it.

 

Your heart sank down; The water that just drained down that hole, taking your broken heart along with it. You closed the browser and set the computer down on the floor a bit roughly. You couldn't believe he just ignored you. You couldn't believe he has been ignoring you for all these years. If he was moving to get away from you, then fine. He should have just said it. Not just befriend you and stick with you then decide to leave.

 

There's nothing worse than losing who you thought was your best friend. They just wake up one morning and decide they don't like you anymore and just leave you. Ignore you, hurt you. Break promises, and forget all those memories. It's truly sad, especially when you did nothing wrong. You wished circumstances were different, that your story with him wasn't caught between heaven and hell. Everything that was bigger than you two, wasn't. Because when you looked at him, nothing felt bigger than you both. You wish you had the time to just breathe him in again. But, the two of you were a shore and sea, pulled apart endlessly.

 

"Don't worry about my feelings though, Mark. Nobody ever did,"

 

You didn't know what it was about him. Maybe it was the way nothing else mattered when he was talking, or how he made you smile more than anyone else has ever could. It could be the way he said the right things at the right moments. But, whatever it was, you wanted him to know it meant everything to you. Because, when you're up at one in the morning, your head swimming with thoughts-- you think back to what he told you. That he always loved you, that you meant everything to him. He loved every aspect of your entire being, yet he refuses to see its existence now.

 

Why?

Your mind wanders. You tend to think about something that happened five years ago, or something that had happened two hours ago, or something that could happen ten years from now. Your mind was full of beautiful, yet, awful thoughts. Your mind continued to wander, an hour later. You think back to the good times you had with him, trying to forget about the current, negative ones that were flowing through your head. They made you smile, they made you cry. You both had been through a lot together.

 

"There's plenty of fish in the sea, you have to remember that," Your friend down the hall would tell you. You had frequent break downs after Mark had left. They didn't happen as often now. You essentially just wanted your best friend back.

 

"Yeah," You say, as she witnesses your heartbroken tears fall. "But, have you ever wondered if someone wasn't a fish? Like, maybe they were the whole ocean?"

 

That small memory from when you first moved to the college you're attending right now, triggered something in your head. You realized that over those years, you had fallen in love with him. Nobody had treated you better than he has. He's always made you feel special, wanted, and needed-- as if you were the most important thing on this planet.

 

It's hard not to fall in love with someone, especially when they see the mixed up parts of your soul, when they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of your mind. When it's four a.m. and they call, because they know you're not asleep.

 

And that's when your phone plays a familiar song. One that you haven't heard since he moved. You checked it, the time being exactly 4 a.m, and his bright and smiling face from four years ago was on your lock screen, standing there with you.

 

You ignored the call, just like he did those many times.

 

"What makes this call so different?"


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.

Mark: I'm so sorry; 2:03AM  
Please; 2:05AM

Y/N?; 2:20AM

I really fucked up; 2:53AM

I miss you; 3:21AM

 

Does he really? Cause, if he missed you, he would have texted you back or called you in those four years he's been absent from your life. He would have checked on you. He would have done something to show that he actually cared about your friendship. If he "missed you", why would he miss you now?

 

He had chosen the sweetest words to win your heart, but the most poisonous actions to break it. 

 

He had let go of that hand he grabbed, watching your body and soul sink down -- back to where you used to be...

 

~~~

 

Mark's messages never stopped popping up on your phone screen. You'd been ignoring them for several months now, and it was getting harder and harder to resist replying back to him. You so badly wanted to push away those hurt feelings and just talk to your once best friend again. It was heartbreaking for you, and you were sure it was for Mark, too. Whatever reason he had that convinced him to stop talking to you, had better be a good one. 

 

You had some free time for the next few days, as you waited for the new Semester to start up at your college. One more Semester until you graduate, and you can finally start your life. You've been waiting for this moment forever -- especially after Mark convinced you that you'd have the perfect life if you would just make it through this rough bump in the road. You'd been sitting around, strumming a soothing tune on your guitar and you began to think deeply about several things. 

 

Like how he promised you that you and him would make it through these bumps in the road. But, where has he been these years? YouTube? Was that more important than you to him?

 

Throughout the months, you caught yourself having sudden needs to watch his videos, to keep up with the Markimoo you always knew and loved. But, you couldn't push yourself to do it. You continued staying away. If he could live without you for so long, then so can you. 

 

You can't stay away forever.

 

~~~

 

Your friend approached you a week later after your deep thinking over Mark and your life with him. She talked quietly, almost sadly. What was she upset about? You kept asking her what was wrong, but she replied with, "nothing," or "just a little stressed with the new semester,". That was, until you were about to leave. You needed to head back to your dorm and study some drawings for class the next morning.

 

"You need to call him back," She choked out, looking at you with liquid pooling in her eyes. 

 

You gave her a look, tilting your head to the side a little. "Call who?"

 

"Call Mark," 

 

"Why would I call him?"

 

"Because he needs you. He's so sorry, he didn't mean to ignore you."

 

"He's not-" You paused, taking in what she said. "He's sorry? He didn't mean to ignore me all these years? Have you talked to himself personally or something?"

 

She shook her head, and looked away. "His video's haven't been upbeat and lively anymore. He looks exhausted and sad," she explained. "We want to make him feel better but nothing we do is working. The fandom can't keep his head above water,"

 

You felt guilt twist in your stomach. Mark was devastated that you didn't answer him that night. "H-has he posted recently?"

 

She nodded quickly. "Y-yes, he's not-" she paused, biting her lip lightly. She knew what you were asking. "The reason I'm telling you this is because he really is sorry. He posted a video about you. He never mentioned a name, but I knew it was about you. I knew it was about you because of the type of history you two have together and in the context he said it,"

 

You sucked in a breath, looking at her with tears swelling in your eyes as well. "Thank you for telling me," 

 

You gave her a weak smile with a wave, and headed back to your dorm room. You noticed that your roommate was gone for the night again, and probably wouldn't even be back at all. She'd probably stay with some boy she hooked up with tonight. You turn on your laptop, and shut off the lights. You wanted to make this a peaceful setting with mood and everything. You were hoping it would help you handle whatever was to come in the video. 

 

You clicked on Mark's username, "Markiplier" on your subscribed list, and saw a new video that was titled, "Just an update,". You hesitate before clicking on it, but you bring yourself to lightly tap the mouse pad and the video started to play. 

 

Mark's face showed up on screen, and it made our tense slightly. He looked so exhausted, like your friend mentioned to you. He didn't look as lively as he did in the one video of him you watched. 

"Hey guys, my name is Markiplier and I'm just here to give you all an update-- thing, I guess. I dont' really know what I'm doing," he trailed off, looking down. "I guess this is just me rambling, there's not much point to the video. But, I'm sure you all are concerned on why I haven't been so upbeat. It's because, well, I'm not happy at all right now. I haven't been for months- no, years-"

 

Your friend was right, he was talking about you. 

"Uh, ha, well- y-you guys know that the universe has existed for billions of years and by coincidence, we ended up living at the same time; that counts for something, right?" He started, and you smiled just a little. Mark and you had always been interested in space when you were little. You wondered if he was still, just like you are. "But, one of the problems with all of us living right now is that with some swim oceans for people who wouldn't even cross a bridge for them. I am one of those people,"

 

"No, Markimoo, you did everything you could to help me get through those hard times," You breathed sadly. "You had always been there," 

 

"Ha.. you know, two souls don't find each other by simple accident," His voice cracked on the last word. His eyes closed and he leaned forward a bit, his shoulders shaking. "I-I fuck up everything..." He looks up at the camera. Rivers of tears streaming down his cheeks. "G-guys... oh god, how a desperately begged myself to not fuck up with her," 

 

Your jaw dropped when you saw Mark cry, and you even felt the tears poke your eyes. You couldn't stand seeing him cry, he had never done this in front of you before. Even when things got bad for him and for you, he was the strongest of you two. 

 

"My mind told me all those years ago to let go of her. I was angry, I was so angry at her, I thought she ruined my life. I explained in the video with the white board that my mom kicked me out because she didn't like one of my friends. I thought that it was her fault for ruining my relationship with my mom and making me move out when I wasn't ready to. But, it wasn't her fault. It felt like - and still does - I'm cheating on my heart, if I try to move on and pretend she never existed. I cannot do that to her any longer,"

 

"Her smile was my favorite part about her, " he continued, smiling slightly, sniffling. "Sometimes, I would say stupid shit just to see her smile again. I swear, the entire fucking room would light up. I know that sounds like cheesy bullshit, but you have to realize that all this cheesy bullshit is true when you actually fall hard for someone,"

 

You really couldn't believe what you were hearing. Did he really have feelings for you that whole time? Did he really only block you out because he thought it was your fault?

 

"I always thought about how one day I'm just going to roll over in bed and there she would be. Messy hair, eyes half open, morning breath, raspy voice and all. Nothing in the whole world would be able to compare to how much all of those things would have meant to me," His voice would crack every so often, and other times he'd lose his voice. He truly meant what he was saying. He really was sorry. 

 

Mark looked up at the screen then, staring at it for a few moments before speaking. "Guys, if I could give you any piece of advice, I would say this: Just.. like, don't lie to people, okay? You never know what'll happen tomorrow and it'll haunt you forever. I told her I'd keep in touch but I haven't responded to her in four years. I can't stand to hear and or even think about this happening. I c-can't," he paused, closing his eyes again and holding a fist in front of his mouth as if he was trying to hold back the sobs he wanted to let out. The ones he needed to let out. 

 

He coughed a little once he regained himself, and glanced back up at the camera. That was something you loved about him- he would look you dead in the eye when he meant something. That's how you knew. "When you protect yourself from pain, but sure you do not protect yourself from love,"

 

"I loved you," He breathed, smiling sadly at the camera. "I fucking loved you," he paused. "And, I lost you,"

 

Mark stayed quiet for several more minutes. 

 

"Thank you guys so much for letting me rant. It's okay if nobody really watches this, this was something I needed to get out because I do not have any contact with her anymore. But, my hopes are up slightly that she might see this, and accept my apology. I don't deserve it though, and I wouldn't blame her if she did. I don't forgive myself either," Mark gave the camera another slight smile. "Like I said, thanks for watching if you did. As always, I will see you in the next video. Buh-byee," 

 

The video ended a few seconds later after Mark waved to the viewers. You jumped slightly, feeling a wet drop hit your hand on the computer. You quickly wipe your tears and pull out your phone. It was late where you are, but for Mark it wasn't so late. Time zones make things easier sometimes. You needed to speak with him- enough of this ignoring each other bullshit.

 

This video broke your heart, and he never really meant to hurt you. You needed to hear it from him directly.

 

You just needed to hear his voice in general.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.

As soon as the phone rang twice, you ended the call just as fast as you dialed it. 

You bit your lip and set the phone down next to you on the bed. The video of Mark you had just watched was well over with and the next one was automatically playing. You wanted to call him, you wanted to make everything right again. He really is torn about what he had done to you. 

His voice caught your attention again, his features in the center of your screen. You could tell this video was older, considering his hair wasn't that vibrant blue like it was in the video of him saying he was sorry. You looked back on the date, and it happened to be only a few years ago. You moved the computer next to you, laying down and snuggling up with your blanket and watching the video. You decided you needed to catch up with Mark this way first, before actually talking to him. 

You saw another video over to the side, seeing a freaky thumbnail for it with a bear on it. Mark titled it, "SCARIEST GAME IN YEARS!" and you decided that it would be interesting to watch if Mark thought it was terrifying. As soon as the home screen for the game popped up, you knew why. Mark always had a fear of animatronics and manikins- why was he playing this game? 

As you watched, you'd jump when Mark did, and snuggle up more in your blanket with things got tense. You screeched when Foxy jumped out, and quickly paused the video after Mark yelled with you. 

"Shit, Mark why are you playing this.." You huffed, trying to catch your breath and calm your heart beat. That was scary. 

You decided it was time to watch something a little more cheerful, and you clicked on Mark's Mario Maker videos. You giggled every time Mark made a stupid decision, and it ended with him wasting another life. He would get really angry every so often, and it'd make you laugh more. 

"Something's never change, huh?" You breathed quietly to yourself when the current video you were watching ended. You sighed, shutting the screen on the laptop and set it on the floor next to your bed. You needed sleep, but sleep wouldn't take you over that night. Instead, Mark did. Thoughts of him filled your head, and you couldn't focus on anything but him. 

Pulling out your phone, you clicked his name in the contact list, and hovered your thumb over the call button. You did this several times throughout the night, but never pressed it again.

 

~~

 

You didn't get hardly any sleep in the past few weeks. You haven't gotten anything done for your classes- only working on stuff for them during the time you were suppose to be there. You needed to finish college strong and graduate - you were, but were falling behind in a few of your classes - but instead, you were contemplating whether or not to really call him. You don't even know what you would say to him, "Hey, I saw your video. Yeah, you really hurt me but I accept your apology and let's meet up," 

No, it wasn't ever that easy. 

And what he did to you, was not that forgivable. It would take time for you to accept his apology. 

You were currently pacing back and forth around your dorm, phone in hand, thumb above the call button again. You were in a panic- your heart was telling you to call him, to tell him about college and how much you've missed him and that you're so happy he still thinks about you. But, your mind is telling you that he's just another jerk, that he's doing this to get sympathy from his fans, that he doesn't really miss you at all. 

You did this for another week or so - the constant battle inside yourself. You'd be graduating in a week, and you really needed to get some stuff done. You set your phone down finally, leaving it there. You needed to focus for now. You convinced yourself that he'd be so proud of you if you finished school. 

 

~~

 

It'd been a hard couple of days, but you completed all your work and turned it in just in time. Your professor was pleasantly surprised with the work too, considering it was done within 48 hours. You smiled happily at them, and went back to your dorm room, unlocking your phone and seeing Mark's name was still open in the contacts.

"Someone please tell me what I should do," You breathed, sadly, pacing again. You silently went over to the stereo, plugging in your iPod and turning up some soft music. It wasn't anything loud like you usually liked, it was more of your quiet, calm, thinking music. It had gotten dark since you'd been outside five minutes ago. You hated how dark it got lately, but nothing you could say or do would change this. You closed the shade on the window when you felt an idea hit you like a truck. You smirked and went back to your phone, searching through your gallery. 

You sat on the floor, back to your bed and legs crossed. You knew you had several pictures of you and Mark, but you wondered if that would make a difference with what you were about to do. 

"There you are," You mumbled, taking in the photo once more. The photo was of you and Mark being playful for pictures for your senior prom during high school. That was the last year you saw him in person, before he announced he was moving away. You loved this picture so much, it's the reason why you kept it on your phone. It showed your relationship and both personalities so well, and how you both came as one in the friendship. It made you laugh quietly. 

You open up the twitter app, and hit upload photo. You wrote, "Life sometimes takes you into troubled waters not to drown you, but to cleanse you. @ markiplier,"

You hit send, and waited for a response.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.

"God, you look so beautiful," Mark said quietly, still in awe that you went all out for tonight. It was unlike you to dress this way, but you figured tonight was very special and you wanted to remember it forever. 

"Shush," You huffed, cheeks stained rose. "It's nothing special,"

"Are you kidding me?" He scoffed, looking at you like he couldn't believe you'd even say that. "You always look beautiful, but seeing you dressed up like this for me is just stunning,"

Your face felt hotter and you smacked his chest lightly. "Stop it! I don't wanna look all flushed for the photos, you jerk,"

Mark laughs, the waves vibrating your hand that was still placed on his chest. You sigh happily at that - this was a perfect moment and you knew it'd trail into a perfect night. He wrapped an arm around you, and led you outside to where your mother was waiting. She was so excited to take pictures and to have someone else take pictures of you two. You insisted that you didn't need a photographer, you guys weren't getting married; it was only prom. 

Then again, the only prom you would ever have in your life. With the most perfect person on the planet. Well, in your mind he was. 

"Oh my god, you're so beautiful, Y/N!" Your mom squealed, seeing you two walk out of the house finally, as she ran over to you both. "Mark, you're looking so handsome, oh my god, I'm glad I have someone here to take pictures..." 

You both laughed at how excited she was. You wished Mark's mom was as happy as your mom was. Well, you wished she even cared at all about you since you and Mark have been friends forever. 

"I wish Dad was here to take pictures with us too," You breathed out quietly. You felt a slight squeeze around your waist, Mark holding you tighter. He always insisted that you not head down memory lane when good times were going on. He just wanted you to be happy. 

"I do too, sweetie," Your mom breathed, giving you a weak smile. "He'd be amazed at how much you've grown and how beautiful you are. He'd be thrilled to see Mark with you too, he always thought he'd be a perfect boyfriend,"

That caused your face to flame up again, and you glanced at Mark and noticed his cheeks looked a little flushed now, too.

"Mom, we aren't dating," You giggled. Although, sometimes you thought you were. Nothing would ever change though, you'd still act the same around each other. "W-we should start taking pictures now. We don't wanna be late to the dance,"

"Right! Right," Your mom stammered, moving away and walking with you guys around to the backyard. Your family didn't have much money, and even less when your father died. However, he did have some money stashed incase of anything that might happy, such as an emergencies. The bank notified your mother, sending it all into her account. The house got paid off, and you had a huge backyard with a garden. You smiled when you smelt all the beautiful flowers growing. You were proud of them; your mother and you worked so hard to make it look this nice. 

"Do whatever you guys please, I think a more natural photoshoot would be better than standing around awkwardly for a camera," The photographer smiled at you both, telling you this. 

You couldn't agree more. You didn't like posing for a camera, and Mark was way to shy to really be near one. But, he gave into you when you begged him to take pictures with you for prom. 

You haven't had the time to show Mark around the garden, considering you both had tons of school work to finish for the last part of your senior year. "Come'ere," You breathe, grabbing his hand. "I wanna show you all the flowers I planted,"

He smiled warmly at you, and forgot the camera was even there as you gave him a small tour. The camera clicked away, but you barely noticed it. You proceeded through the garden, smiling bright when a butterfly landed in your hands. That was definitely a photo worth keeping. 

Mark and you sat down on a bench, letting your blue dress flow on the stone sidewalk. "These are beautiful," he mumbled, looking at the bright blue flowers behind you. They matched your dress almost perfectly. He picked one off the stem, placing it in your hair. "Just like you,"

"You're so cheesy, Mark," You giggle, blushing and looking down as he adjusted the flower so it sat just right. 

He smirked at you, holding your hands in his. "Yeah, well, you bring out that side in me," he leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead. 

You hummed lightly at that, but it quickly turned to a gasp when he scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder. "M-mark!" you huffed and wiggled around. "P-put me down!"

He laughed and carried you around, running. "Never!" 

Your night carried on like this - Mark and you being as silly as ever, and with him being the sweetest thing at prom. The way he danced with you all night took your breath away. When the dance was finally over, you both made your way outside. You were smiling bright, and he was just the same- his arm around your waist. 

As you walked back to his car, you couldn't help but stare up at the sky. It was a midnight deep blue, like warm, deep, blue water- and the moon seemed to lie on it like a water lily, floating forward with an invisible current. 

"Mark," You breathed his name quietly, eyes still focused on the sky. You both stopped walking, his eyes looking towards you. 

"Yeah?" He asked just as quiet, looking up at the sky with you. He wondered what you were thinking as you gazed up at it. 

"Tonight was absolutely perfect," You told him, smiling. "Thank you,"

Mark looked back at you, seeing how you stared at the sky in awe. He felt the beat in his chest when he saw the stars reflect in your eyes from the sky. It was stunning- but it couldn't ever compare to you. 

He couldn't help but fall in love with you a little bit more than he already did. 

Mark felt if he said anything, that he'd ruin the moment. Actions spoke louder than words did, and he showed it with pulling you a bit closer to him. 

You didn't think anything could be better than this moment.

Until, a sudden noise made your eardrums ring, and you winced at the feeling. You hated when this happened. It usually went away within a few seconds, but it never stopped. "Mark, do you hear that?" you ask, the ringing a bit louder now. 

You turned to face him, but he wasn't standing there. In fact, nobody was. "M-mark?" You said his name a bit louder, looking around in your spot frantically for him. You look up- the sky was fading away from that deep blue and into a gray that reminded you of being alone; reminding you of being nothing. 

You jolted away, almost falling out of your chair. Your hands rubbed your face immediately, before looking around you. You were in your dorm room, at your desk. The lamp was on, but everything else was dark. You shut off your alarm on your phone. "W-what?" You mumbled, looking at it. You don't remember setting an alarm; and why was it even set for 5AM? You had no classes, so what was the point? You groaned and get up from your desk and peek outside the shade of the window. The sun was coming up ever so slowly. 

"That's better than that damn dream," You sighed heavily. It hit you then- you posted a picture of you and Mark from prom last night on your twitter. That's why you had that memory in your dream. You ran back over to your desk, quickly sitting and unlocking your phone. You had countless notifications on twitter, and so many retweets and random reposts of it on there. Many of them asked if you were Mark's girlfriend, or if you were the one talked about it the video. Other comments weren't so nice, but you shrugged them off. You typed @ markiplier into the search box, seeing if he had seen the post. Sure enough, it was on his account, retweeted. 

"This makes me happier than any of you could imagine..." You read his reply out loud, feeling your chest tighten at his words. 

He really did miss you. 

You quickly pulled up one of your other pictures - the one with him putting the flower in your hair. You sent that one out, captioning it, "Clear blue water, high tides, came and brought you in, @ markiplier," 

You wanted to see how much the fan base would explode from this. 

You sent out another one. 

This one was after he kissed your forehead, and you couldn't stop smiling at him. He couldn't stop smiling at you. 

"I'm not going to compare you to the garden or a sunset because you were never just something pretty to look at; you were the blood that ran through my veins. You.. you kept me alive. @ markiplier," 

Your notifications buzzed like crazy again- follows, replies, retweets, favorites, reposts, ones tagging you both - it was all too surreal for you. You switched apps, checking instagram, on Mark's account. He reposted the first picture, with a hashtag "# tbt to the best time of my life,"

Just as you were about to like the picture, your phone vibrated right in your hand. You weren't expecting a call, it surprised you and caused you to jump almost out of your skin. You sighed heavily, looking at who was calling you this early. 

"O-oh," You breathed, reading Mark's name off the screen. 

You slide your finger across the bottom of your phone, answering the call you've been waiting four years for. 

Biting your lip, you sat in silence for a few seconds before breathing out his name.

"M-mark..."


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories always begin with words. It's amazing isn't it? How 26 letters can be composed into something so sweet of breath? How meaningful, yet terrible they can be? Some people spend hours contemplating the words to say to others, but sometimes, there are no combination of 26 different letters that could even accurately capture even a sliver of what their feeling. However, he found the words he needed to say to you, and to think those were only composed out of 26 little letters. The words you desperately needed to hear. You meet Mark Fischbach when you move to a large city at a young age. You become best friends, and everything is fine until one fatal moment in your life happens and everything in your head gets turned around. Mark is there for you -- always. He helped you through everything. Until, he told you he had to move out to Los Angeles, CA. He was leaving you. He breathed out an, "I love you," and that Distance means nothing when someone means everything. And, those were his last words to you.

“M-mark,” You breathed out quietly, as you answered your phone. 

“(Y/N),” He said, voice cracking slightly. He hasn’t heard your voice in years. It was a relief to finally hear it. “I needed to t-talk to you, you’ve been ignoring me for weeks now,”

Sudden anger filled your chest at that statement. He had the nerve to say that you’ve been ignoring him? And for only a few weeks?

“Try being left behind and ignored for four years, Mark,” You said bitterly, not even meaning to. You never wanted to be mean to Mark, ever. But, his words stung worse than anything else. “You don’t even know the feeling,”

You heard him take a sharp breath in, and let out a small sob. You knew he was trying his hardest to hold it in. Mark rarely ever cried around you - it was always when he was really really upset about something. 

“I-I never wanted this,” he choked out harshly. “I-I never wanted to leave you, I shouldn’t have left this far, I-I just couldn’t b-be there anymore, I’m s-so fucking s-sorry, (Y/N),”

It broke your heart to hear your best friend breaking down like he did, He didn’t want to leave you? Why did he leave you when you needed him the most then?

You didn’t respond for a few moments, just listening to Mark’s sniffling. You both had known each other long enough to have a comfortable silence settle in sometimes. 

“Why’d you leave, Markimoo?”

He let out a small sigh at the old nickname you had given him. “It’s why I needed to talk to y-you,” he sniffed. “I wanted to explain my actions. They weren’t the smartest ones, but I was so angry..”

You pressed speaker on your phone and snuggled up in your blankets on your bed. “From the beginning, please,” you asked quietly. “When you mentioned moving after graduation,”

Mark nodded, although you couldn’t see. He was sitting in his recording chair, having gotten done with a video before he called. He was scrolling through twitter after he edited the video, making sure it had uploaded and the link was posted. That was when he saw your two other pictures of them. 

“I had gotten into an argument a few weeks before I told you that. I was telling my mom about how I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend,” he explained quietly. “I was asking her to lighten up around you because you were an amazing person, but for some goddamn reason she thought you were the worst and was only going to fucking around with me and leave me a few months in the relationship. I told her if you were gonna do that, you would have already done it,”

Your stomach twisted - his mother said that about you? But, you were always so sweet to her, and thought the world of her for bringing your best friend into this world. You were always so grateful that she was there for her son. But, apparently you thought wrong. 

“We fought and argued more after that, and it came down to me saying that I was gonna be dating you whether she liked it or not. She told me I wouldn’t date you as long as I lived under her roof, and..” he paused, sucking in a breath. “... she kicked me out of the house. Told me I needed to leave after I finished school,”

“It broke my heart that my own mom wouldn’t accept one of my closest friends in as someone I truly cared about and wanted to be with - possibly forever. My thoughts consumed me that night, and for some reason, they went to you, and how she didn’t like you. That led me to think that you’re the reason she was kicking me out. You’re the reason I’m moving away and living a lonely life,”

Your heart dropped to the floor upon hearing this from Mark. He was mad at you? But, you never did anything to cause his mom to hate you? That was her own doing. She hated you because she wanted what was best for her son, and she was stereotyping you as some kind of fuck girl for some goddamn reason. But, she got mad when he refused and kicked him to the curb. 

“However, every time I saw you, I couldn’t stay mad,” he sniffed again, holding his phone close. He wanted to be closer to you. “It was the hardest thing in the world to fucking tell you that I had to leave. I knew you needed me in your life, but apart of me said that I didn’t care that you did. I needed to do what was best for me and leave and not have anyone to bring me down in life. I realized I was wrong. I needed you in my life just as much as you needed me and I fucked it all up because of one stupid thought. I can’t believe I hurt you like that, I never wanted this to happen,”

“M-mark, were you really mad at me? Was I really the reason you left and didn’t say a word for four years?” You asked weakly, tears stinging your eyes. You were just as emotional about this right as he was. 

Mark nodded again, sighing into the phone. “Y-yes, I was angry. I didn’t wanna to talk to you ever again. I purposely ignored your calls and texts,” he let out small shuttered breath, readying himself to say the next thing. “I wanted to pretend like you didn’t exist,”

You gasped, your breath catching in your throat. That’s when the tears spilled over. You couldn’t take it - knowing your best friend wanted to pretend like you never stumbled into his life. He was actually the one to stumble into your messed up life, not the other way around. He found you - two souls don’t find each other by simple accident. 

Do you ever have those moments where you cannot breathe and your thoughts cannot stay in one place and your head is doing laps around your heart and nothing feels right? Well, that’s how you felt right now. You let out a loud sob, pushing your face in the pillow. 

“M-mark, how- how could you do that to me?” You cried into the phone, demanding to know. “Y-you know how I am. D-did you even think about what could happen to me? What I did to myself all those years ago? You weren’t there again, Mark. You left me to die, and you fucking knew it,” You were beginning to rant and babble, you knew this. 

Mark took everything in that you were saying. “A-and what hurts more, is that when you did this to me, I didn’t expect it. I just.. let you do this to me. I hate myself and you made me hate myself more. Why can’t I hate you instead? You messed with my head with your fucking lies. You didn’t really give a damn about me, did you? No, you never did. You wouldn’t have said it was my fault if you did. I never once did anything mean to you to ruin your life, so stop pretending you care about me,” 

You were crying harder then, body shaking. You felt so alone right now, so upset. It twisted your thoughts. You knew Mark wasn't a bad person, but you didn’t want to think of him as the best right now. He treated you like trash for four years now, and then he came around to finally telling you how things really went down. 

“(Y-y/N) that’s not it at all, I care so much about you, I was just angry-” 

You scrambled for your phone, hitting the end call button as fast as you could. You didn’t want to hear his voice right now. You didn’t want to hear his lame excuse. You didn’t want him to pity you because he knew you were crying right now. 

All you wanted were for things to go back to when he told you he was moving. You wish he told you the truth. He could have avoided this whole thing. You really, truly, honestly believed he cared for you, that he possibly loved you. You switched your phone on mute to ignore any calls or texts. You cried yourself to sleep, planning on sleeping the worst day of your life away. 

Mark: (Y/N)... 6:52AM  
Please, call me back, I need to help you.. You’re sad and I can’t stand to hear you cry.. And all because of me. 6:54AM  
I’m such an asshole, why did I ever do this to you… 6:55AM  
It hurt so much- not having you by my side anymore or not being around you, not being with you… It still hurts so much. I cannot stay here much longer. 6:57AM  
I’m so sorry. 6:58AM  
I need to see you. I need to talk to you in person and fix everything that I’ve done. Cuz… 7:01AM  
I’ve always liked you alot, but when I thought you ruined my life, I didn’t want to but all I could ever think about was your voice and how you were the sweetest damn thing that ever walked into my life… 7:05AM  
I just.. I love you, okay? 7:10AM  
Y-You know those pictures you posted? How you were looking at the sky after the dance? I wanted to tell you then. I wanted to tell you so badly. I thought it would hurt you because I would have had to leave and I thought that’d be worse, but no, what I actually did was worse. 7:17AM  
I wanted to kiss you and tell you how much I loved you and how I cannot believe how lucky I was to know you.. You were the best thing in my life… 7:20AM  
… you still are. 7:21AM


	7. Chapter Seven

The hardest part about falling in love is that you no longer have control over your own emotions. One word, one look- it could change your entire day, whether it be good or bad. Someone has the ability to get inside your head, learn everything about you, but it’s never guaranteed that they’re going to stick around. However, the worst part is that you don’t even have control over falling in love. It just happens- even if you don’t want it to. It’ll either break your heart or make you feel alive, but the most awful truth of it all is that we all die at some point- with or without them. 

You wanted to sleep- and you slept, but only to toss and turn that morning, trying to sleep his memory away. However, sleep is not as eternal like you’d prefer it to be, and your attempt to dream him gone failed. You only dreamt things with Mark in it. You would admit, you’re filled with happiness during those dreams, for inside them, you both were happy and together, always. The problem was, now, you didn’t even want to wake up, let alone wake up without Mark. 

Yet, that want for sleep soon ended when you heard banging on your dorm door, causing your body to jump physically and mentally, waking you from your slumber. You made a noise, sitting up too quickly, and stumbling out of bed. Going over to the door was a hassle- you being half asleep still, your body waking itself at the moment. 

“Mm, w-what?” You mumbled, as you opened the door and rubbed your tired eyes. 

“Oh my god, you are alive, holy shit,” Your best friend squeaked, wrapping her arms around you, squeezing. “What the hell have you been doing? I’ve called and texted you all day- were you sleeping?” she asked, moving her face out of your shoulder to look at you.

You nodded, sighing contently. Your face was red and tear stained, hair was up in a mess, your clothing wrinkled and shifted- yeah, obvious signs you were sleeping soundly. “Y-yeah, I was up very later on the phone,” 

She bit her lip nervously, knowing who you were on the phone with. She could tell by the dry tears. “Lemme guess, Mark called you again?” 

Once again, a single nod from you. “Y-yeah, it wasn’t the worst conversation in my life, but it was bad enough I set my phone to mute and went to bed at seven o’clock this morning and didn’t wanna wake up for a few days,” you huffed sadly, inviting your friend in and shutting the door behind her. This was a conversation for only the two of you. 

Sitting down on your bed, you glanced at your phone, scared to read whatever was there. However, your friend wasn’t so much. She grabbed your phone, flipping through all the messages Mark sent you through the night and the few missed calls he dialed. She chewed on her lip some more, giving you a sad look. “He really loves you, huh?” 

You made a face at her. “Yeah, if love meant that he blamed me for his troubles with his mother, and moved away from me because he didn’t wanna see me ever again- then yeah, he loves me,”

“N-no, you don’t understand. When someone tells you they love you- that’s some serious shit, Y/N,”

You sighed lightly, knowing she was right about that. When someone tells you they’re in love with you, it’s very serious. Why? Because they’re basically saying, _I am completely vulnerable to you. You have the power to destroy me emotionally, but I trust that you won’t._

But, you were still angry at him. 

You _fell in love_ with Mark a long time ago, you told him exactly that a long time ago, and yet, he hurt you. He hurt you when he knew more about you than any other person. He knew how badly you’d break down, but he didn’t care. 

His words now tugged at your heartstrings, making you feel like you should forgive him. He really does love you and he admitted to his mistakes. Your brain is telling you otherwise- don’t forgive him, if he really loved you he wouldn’t have left you. 

Pain changes people; it makes them trust less, over think more, and shut people out. 

“Do you miss him?” 

The words caused you to jump, looking up at your friend who stared back at you. 

“W-what? N-no, of course not,” Lies.

“Are you sure?” 

“N-no,” You paused. “I’ll never be sure of anything, because I was so sure about him, me, us- then the demons came and took it all away,”

She frowned at you, sitting down on your bed next to you, pulling you close to her. “I’m sure there’s a way we can get you two back to the way you were before he left. That video and what I’m seeing in your text messages really show you and his millions of viewers how badly he fucked up. It’s good that he knows it- and you really should give him a chance. He’s putting all this effort into making you forgive him- why would anyone who didn’t want someone's love work so hard to fight for it? That, right there, is dedication, commitment, and above all,- love,”

You leaned into your friend, listening to her ramble about this whole situation. Your heart led you more than your mind ever did, and you could feel deep down, that forgive Mark was the best option you could decide. You just didn’t know how to do it. Calling him would end in tears again, and you’d most likely hang up on him like you did last night. 

“W-what do I do then?” You asked her, thinking out loud. “What do I _need_ to do?”

She stayed silent for a few moments, before breathing out her reply. “I think you both need to see each other. One of you needs to fly out and visit for awhile. I doubt your RA’s would approve of a non-student and or non-resident hanging out in your dorm though,” She giggled. “My guess is you fly out to see him and spend a week or so out there talking things over in person- that way you can’t run away from each other,”

You yawned, nodding to that. You knew that was the best idea after hearing it, but you were a little skeptical about it. Can’t run away from each other? Does she think that was the best idea? Then again, you could hold each other while you’re crying instead. 

“Okay,” You sigh out quietly, taking your phone from her. “I’ll let him know,”

_**You:**_

_**Mark, I would like to see you. 8:22PM** _

_**However, when I do see you- I don’t need you to tell me you love me, I need you to teach me to believe it. 8:23PM** _


End file.
